i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
