Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize