hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There r osticjed everywhere
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
