I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
