ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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