that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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