If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He passed out mid-signature
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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