last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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