im drinking this country out of the recession.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
