I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
