Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
