You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
