im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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