So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You may now shotgun with the bride
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
