So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
