Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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