I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
