y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
