So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
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