I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
organizing the empties. That sober.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
