Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
