i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
