dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
