doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
