Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
