the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize