I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
