hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
