Dude my mom stole all your condoms
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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