Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
