two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
