masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
