"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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