tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You made out with two different species that night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
