We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
