Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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