he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize