How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
only if we run a train.
done.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
