im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
