85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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