his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
