Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
