If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
