Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
