I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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