My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
