I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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