my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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