just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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