Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
