no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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