He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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