I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize