i may or may not be watching the land before time
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
