I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
