i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
