he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
