My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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