Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize