And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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