boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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