Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
