i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
