I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
