the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
