I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
we're so committed to being not committed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
