My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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