8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
