How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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