Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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