dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
