You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize