Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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